Rainin' You
by EternallyEC
Summary: SUMMARY: John thinks about Natalie...Author’s Notes: This is heavy on Jolie because although Hackley may have refused to show them John and Nat had to have some majorly cute exchanges offscreen right?Fic with lyrics can be found on www dot livejournal dot


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, don't sue. The title is a beautiful Brad Paisley song and the fic with the lyrics can be found on One Life to Live

Character(s): John McBain, heavy with Jolie flashbacks

Author's Notes: This is heavy on Jolie because although Hackley may have refused to show them John and Nat had to have some majorly cute exchanges off-screen right?

Title: Rainin' You

John hadn't been expecting anything like this when he'd awoken that morning. He'd gotten up, put on his sweats and a sweatshirt over his tank top and walked over to the window, yawning as he pulled the curtains back. As he watched the rain fall he suddenly felt himself jolt backwards through time…

"_Damn it, it's raining." John sounded disappointed, and Natalie walked up to slip her arms around his waist. "It's okay. Our picnic on the roof can wait." He turned and pulled her into his arms, brushing his lips across hers softly. She giggled and pulled away, going to stand beside the window to watch the rain fall as she embraced herself, shivering slightly. "You know, I've always loved the rain." He raised an eyebrow, draping his coat around her bare shoulders. "Why?" She smiled to herself at his sweet gesture. "Growing up with Roxy… It was a challenge. I did some things I'm not proud of to survive and make friends, but every time that I would watch the rain come down it was like none of that mattered anymore you know?"_

_John nodded, quietly placing a hand on her shoulder. Natalie covered it with her own, smiling softly as she turned to face him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling as the gleam in her eyes sharpened. "You know, I can think of a few ways we could make this day work for us." He smiled as he leaned down, his lips hovering inches above hers. "Really?" She nodded, suddenly breathless as he closed the short distance between them and kissed her…_

John shook his head as he forced himself back into the present, determined not to go there again. Natalie was gone, she was off living her happily married life with her husband in another state and he wasn't going to spend yet another day losing himself in the memories. He'd already wasted months on that….

Suddenly he remembered Bo's phone call from the previous day. His Internal Affairs investigation was supposed to be finished today, and his mentor had called to tell him what time he should be at the police station to hear the results. He glanced at the clock, realizing that he would just make it if he left now. He grabbed his jacket and walked out of his loft, making his way down the stairs.

By the time he had reached the police station, John knew that he was involved in a hopeless fight. The memories were flooding his mind so fast he couldn't stop them, and once he stepped out of his car and felt the rain hit his face he surrendered and let the memories pull him back…

"John, promise me we can stay like this forever." Natalie and John were lying in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. He lifted her chin with his fingers, kissing her gently. "Always. I ain't never letting you go." She smiled. "Never?" He nodded, tangling his fingers in her hair as he kissed her again…

John looked at the police station for a moment before turning around and slowly walking away. That part of his life was over and it wasn't ever going to come back, no matter what the Internal Affairs officers had decided.

As he slowly walked the streets of Llanview John lifted his face into the rain memories of his last conversation with Natalie repeating in his head.

_Natalie was wearing a black sweater, blue jeans and tennis shoes when she walked into the loft John had just bought due to Roxy's decision to make his life a living hell at the Angel Square Hotel after she'd found out about his deception. Her face was carefully blank as she told him that she had to give her marriage a chance to work out. "John, we never had the chance we deserved and I owe him that—and as long as you're in Llanview, we can't be."  
_

_Her eyes were fixed on the floor as she finished. "Cris and I are moving to California." Seeing that he was going to interrupt she hurried to add, "We discussed it and we're in agreement that it's best for Cris and most of all me." She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her strength for what she knew had to come next.  
The pain and defeat in her eyes stunned John when they opened again, directly locking onto his own. _

_"Good-bye, John," she whispered, turning and walking slowly out of the room. "Natalie—" She stopped, not trusting herself to even turn her head. "Good-bye." She left, never looking back. _

He didn't know if it was possible, but it seemed that in the sounds of water splashing and the thunder booming he heard traces-or perhaps echoes-of Natalie's laughter surrounding him. John closed his eyes suddenly uncaring of the people rushing by and spread his arms out, relishing the feel of the cold water hitting him. For a moment, he felt like he had in her arms—loved, a man no longer haunted by his demons and most of all happy. It had been so long since he'd felt truly happy before her…

He opened his eyes and looked around the empty streets as he felt his heart rip a little bit more upon realizing he was still alone. He slowly walked as the tears began to run down his face, mingling with the rain as he went back in time once more…

_It had been a mere week after Evangeline had told her the truth, and Natalie had run into him during her trip to the diner to get food from the diner. John had apologized and told her he loved her, then watched her eyes fill up with tears. "I wish it was raining," she said, angrily swiping at her eyes. "Why?" "Another reason I love the rain," Natalie said softly as her eyes, so full of pain had met his, "No one can tell you're crying when you're walking in it." She had quickly walked away and John had stayed where he was, knowing he was responsible for the hell she was going through now and that he was powerless to do anything about it._

John angrily wiped his tears away and looked up, surprised to see that he was now standing directly in front of Cristian's statue. "I end up in front of the creation of the man who's living it up in another state with the love of my life?" He shook his head and laughed bitterly as he recognized the irony of the situation. Suddenly he heard a voice from behind him. "Yeah, we're not exactly 'living it up' anymore." He turned to see Cristian Vega standing behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Cristian shook his head. "I'm moving back to Llanview—you should be happy, Natalie said that I'm not the same man she married and that we're not going to work." John tried to control the hopeful note in his voice as he responded. "Does that mean—" Cristian shook his head and began walking again, his voice full of bitterness as he replied. "It means just what you're hoping for McBain—my marriage is over."

John turned to look up at the angel contemplatively, suddenly aware that the rain had stopped. "What the hell do you think he meant by that?" The angel stared impassively back and he glared at it. "Lot of help you are you stupid hunk of marble," he muttered angrily. Then he heard a girlish laugh from behind him, and as he turned around to see Natalie it was like the past years fell away and they were back to the people they'd been before all the denials, betrayals and lies. She was wearing a simple white blouse, blue jeans and tennis shoes. Her once auburn hair was now a dark brunette and was swept back into a high ponytail.

John's breath caught in his throat and he moved slowly towards her, but then the moment broke and she involuntarily took a step backward, wrapping her arms around herself. He immediately stopped, mentally cursing himself. "Natalie, I'm sorry—" She shook her head. "I just—" She squeezed her eyes shut. "Look, can we just go somewhere and talk?" She nodded, holding out her hand to him. He smiled tentatively as he took it and they walked away, neither knowing where this conversation might lead but both more than willing to find out.

FIN


End file.
